Starting to wonder if this Blog is actually reinforcing the definition of Bipolar on to my personality... trying to limit how I perceive myself in terms of the Bipolar Illness and constantly fearful that I am riding this self fulfilling prophecy to be arriving at Terminal Bipolar Central.
It's getting to the point where I say, almost with pride, I have Bipolar. Like it's a cool thing to have and that it will excuse any less than ideal personality traits, coz I can blame it on my Bipolar.
It's just bang bang bang... can't distance myself from it so it would seem. Second guessing if the Blog is a good thing or a bad thing, not bad bad, but just a hindrance.
Yesterday I forgot to take my Venlafaxine 'Effexor', a first thing in the morning drug, which as on cue, shoots my equilibrium out of into deep space, leaving me nauseated, light headed, dizzy and right fucked off. Stays with me all day and is a constant reminder how shite it is to take drugs, or to miss them I should say. Can remember my coffee but not my med's. Sweet.
Oh yeah, I forgot to take my effexor yesterday. I was insecure, depressed, suicidal, and 0bsessively anxious about everything.
Posted by: Sarah Byam | 01/07/2007 at 01:14 PM
You forgot as well? lol.
Is it a morning ritual for you or a evening one? I just find it insanely hard to remember to take them, even if i put the packet on my bedside table, i'll just look at it blankly upon rising then do shower stuff and thats it... forget.
I actually think on a subconcious level I am rebelling, i don't like being reminded of the drug factor first thing in the morning. My night time drug taking rituals however are 'very good boy'. Mostly because I know they will help me sleep, so I do not need much encouragement to take them.
I did ask my consultant about taking the 'effexor' in the evening, same time as my lamotrigine and zispin but he said it 'could' interfere with sleep. Need to research that further.
So you were all of the above 'insecure, depressed, suicidal, and 0bsessively anxious about everything.' Crumbs, that must of been a good day then! :0)
I think I am gonna copy and paste this into a blog entry, cant be arsed today. Fills a gap.
Graham
Posted by: Graham Smith | 01/07/2007 at 04:27 PM
I'm careful not to make bipolar or depression part of my identity. I'm not a mental illness.
However, it is something I do suffer from and it's a MAJOR part of my life. I like to educate myself about it and make sure that I know what I'm dealing with but at the same time, I'm careful not to incorporate it into my personality. I am so much more than mood swings and mixed states. Well, at least I like to think so...
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