It's been a while....

STUMBLE Me
Hasn't felt right adding to the Blog since my Father passed away. It has been a terribly upsetting and painful few months and to be honest, it's getting worse. The grief is beyond words...

Everytime, and I mean everytime I have gone back to look at my Blog tears and deep sadness fill me. Its a huge shock every time, to see the photos of him smiling, then to see those words "RIP". It's not right, not right at all.

This morning after righting this post, I look at the fact that this post is above my Dad and a HUGE sense of guilt hits me, like why am I shunting Dad out of the top spot. It really is hard. Almost like I don't want to move on or lose the memory of him, but want to lose the memory of loseing him. Its all really f••••d up...

 

Not sure why tonight of all nights I am writing my first post in ages, just am. It's been a emotionally hard and draining day for me. Part of my reluctance to write any more on the Blog is that I do not wish to add posts on top of my tributes to Dad. I feel he deserves place of honour and I dont want to feel that I am abandoning him or forgetting about him by piling up posts on top of him. Maybe that's just silliness, I don't know. I was intending to just to leave the Blog as it was, but I feel a little differently now. At least I do now, maybe tomorrow I will not and delete this post. Who know's.

Kind of feels good to get the words out again, to not be silent.

Have realised that grief if so very different from depression, and that a new set of rules need to be created. A new way to ut out the fire.

I have started to make arrangements for grief counseling, have resisted it as I just do not like to think about my Dad's passing or even talk about it. To the degree where I am imploding, bottling it all up... my nerves are shot, my temper is HUGE, my day-to-day is just a huge struggle. It's time to seek help...


LOTS HAS HAPPENED eBay and Audio Caffé
Especially with my business and eBay, I have been very busy for sure. eBay is flourishing and I have grand new plans afoot to start my on regular online internet store, nothing to do with eBay at all. But will write more about this soon.

Comments

[Saboma]

(((((((((Graham))))))))

It is great hearing from you again. I have been wondering how you were doing.

Getting help is a good idea. It will be safe to talk about your feelings. Moreover, bottling up your grief will only make you physically ill. When that happens, it is one helluva sucker punch so don't fall for it. I am sure that you know that grief is a natural process and sometimes it is necessary to get help with it. There is no time sequence to it although it can run its course anywhere from 6 mos up to 5 or even 7 yrs. Most everyone experiences it differently. Feel the feelings then let them go. They will try to return and when you are completely ready, that will be the time that your healing will begin. Be good to yourself. Release your feelings. They aren't good or bad, they just are.

Have you considered the possibility of creating a blog in your Father's memory?

I had to stop in to say that I've not forgotten you and am still close at hand. I watch for updates in my Google reader.

*Big Hugs!*

[ariadneK, Ph.D.]

SO GOOD INDEED to see signs of life from you. I will keep this short because there is nothing I can say that will make things better or right for you at the moment, but I can say this: do what you need to do FOR YOU first and foremost. Everything else will fall into place from there.

Best,
K.

[Self Help Zone]

Hello Graham,

Death is a fear that sparks the emotions, which puts images in the mind. The images of personifications usually represent destruction and/or extinction. Death however could be a positive act. Death brings forth peace, which puts elements together.

A person rests forever, when he goes to the grave. Since faulty misbelieves arrive, which involve the soul going to purgatory, hell, or heaven once the person dies has interrupted and caused depression for many.

The truth is the bible tells us that when a person dies he rests in his grave until the final judgment where resurrection takes place. At this point the person either is, delivered to a paradise land, or else to the second death, which means no more.

SHZ.

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